Cloak & Dagger Wines

Extraordinary wines, hand crafted in secret. Please pour carefully - secrets may be spilled.

  • About
  • Wines Produced
  • About
    Our wines are handcrafted in secret at an undisclosed location in the Paso Robles area. We call it The Undisclosed Location. The exact coordinates are classified. Attempting to find the winery would be highly ill-advised. Our winery is not open to the public.
    Although you can't come to us, we will come to you. Our wines are available at cloakanddaggerwines.com. Shipments are made by couriers, indistinguishable from the representatives of a commonly used delivery service. For payment we accept major credit cards. For extremely large orders, we will also accept non-sequential, unmarked bills which should be placed in a grocery bag. Dead drops can be arranged at a park or other public place convenient to your location.
    Should you need to print any information from our website, please memorize it and shred immediately. You should assume that you are being watched at all times, which is increasingly the case.
    Finally, we can confirm that all the conspiracy theories you have heard of are true. Rumors always have a basis in truth. Besides, we have very reliable sources inside the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Skull and Bones Society, the Trilateral Commission, The Council on Foreign Relations and even Area 51 (which you may be surprised to learn, is still in uninterrupted operation). We can share these facts because they are virtually impossible to either prove or disprove. We realize that some of this may come as something of a shock. A nice glass of wine would help.

  • Wines Produced
    Bordeaux-Style Blend
    Cabernet Sauvignon
    Malbec
    Pinot Noir
    Red Blend
    Red Rhône-Style Blend
    Red Tuscan-Style Blend
    Sangiovese
    Syrah
    Zinfandel